Weddings mean different things to different people but read this account of our writer who can’t stop gushing about her fixation over weddings.

I love weddings- lavish weddings. My middle name is ‘flamboyance’. Weddings are meant to be grand, magnanimous, ‘over the top’; whoever thinks otherwise can meet me at the court. If there was a provision of felicitating those who attain certain degree of knowledge on wedding matter, I would undoubtedly get a PhD. So any argument against the subject matter will be treated preposterous since I am considered an expert.
 

Weddings are for me what Backstreet Boys were for my friends- object of obsession. If you understand the analogy, you would understand the affiliation. When a teenager, girls my age would buy magazines which had posters of their singing sensations and I would spend all my pocket money to buy a copy of the magazine that had a feature on weddings. I have stacks of wedding magazine in my house: some dog-eared, some with book marks on, some with notes attached and some with missing pictures- the pictures however found new home on my wall.
Before I knew of the existence of boys- the other gender, I knew I was in love with weddings and I had fallen deep and there was no coming back. Ever since childhood, weddings have been my thing. Start talking about weddings and I will drop everything and be part of the conversation- even if the participants are in the next table, next room or next house- can’t go farther than that. I have been friends to girls only because they love talking about weddings or else their pseudo-intellectual talks bore me to death. I am the youngest member in my mom’s friends’ circle. My mom’s friends talk about the fantasy they have regarding their daughters’ weddings and none of their daughters are interested and I am the only one who wants to listen to hours and hours of talk about her own wedding. I know the exact kinds of flowers I want for my wedding, the kind of light fixtures, songs to be played, which uncles and aunts to invite and which ones will not make it since they aggravated me at one point or the other, the kind of sari I will wear, in fact I also know the exact color. I have even readied my mood board and that contains everything that is needed for my wedding. Everything is mapped out- only thing that is left is the real wedding. Whenever I watch a wedding movie, I imagine myself in it- having the perfect wedding. I don’t have OCD, but I have Plan B for every step. I don’t want anything to go wrong. There will be no room for mistakes, or for things falling apart. I am not hiring a wedding planner for my own wedding either. Everything about my wedding is vivid to me that I can imagine it even with my eyes open.
 

Call the doctors, the resident doctors will not do, call the seniors ones. Something is seriously wrong with the girls of my generation. They loathe weddings- they distance themselves from anything to do with it. And then I don’t understand the ‘having cold feet’ syndrome that every to-be-bride goes through. Why? It is your biggest day, you should enjoy, not faint, make a fool out of yourself by running away or puking or I don’t know ruining the time, money spend on the preparation. Gulp a glass of whatever drink is available around you and just go- just do it. Don’t get drunk though- a glass will do the trick. And I can’t seem to understand the ‘not getting married’ part.
 

The whole affair is a memory to be treasured for life. Ever since my cousin sister Pratikshya became a bride, I have been secretly fantasizing about my own wedding. I want to show my children and grandchildren and my other descendants, how beautiful I looked, what a beauty I was on my wedding day. I want to look like a princess- no wait- a Queen. Had Kelly Grace been alive, she would go green with envy. The incessant admiration over her wedding gown will then come to a rest. Thank you Your Highness but I will take the spotlight from hereon. And the new age spotlight snatcher Kim Kardashian would make notes after attending my wedding to ready for her next big wedding. Laxmi Mittal would want to marry off his daughter once again just to outdo mine- if or with another son-in-law is entirely up to the family. I so want to beat Laxmi Mittal- I know that would be hard to do but I can always pull some strings, talk to some of the sponsors and voila- I will have the grandest affair ready.
 

The pessimists are stupefied by the humongous amount of food, liquor, money spent on a wedding- one wedding- singular wedding. They state, “And imagine the number of children born, wedding to be done and money to be spent. This is just feeding the capitalists.” What is wrong with them? I say “this is mere consumerism; this is how the economy runs.” If you have money, flaunt it.
 

What vexes me is that even if people have money they don’t do it right, their mediocrity comes in the way, and they don’t know how to flaunt their riches. Give me all the cash and I will show the whole world how to do it right. Whatever there is in the bank, I will finish it all up even before you finish your cup of tea. Also the protestors of wedding cannot stand the never ending posing for the pictures with the newlyweds. The general consensus seems to be that the couple has to take the photo with every last standing guest. And people seem to hate this part. But WHY? You are the best looking couple that day; this is your biggest day, so take picture with the entire world if they want to or are forced to as per the societal dictum.
 

I would commission Prabal Gurung to prepare my wedding dress. After some phone calls here and there, he would obviously do it. And with the kind of money I would offer him, he would just be too jolly to do it. A balance between modern and traditional that is what I want with my wedding dress. Anna Wintour would give her nod of approval on the design- I can sense that. Does every designer ready the dress to please that particular Vogue editor, I wonder sometimes. John Galliano was second on my list but with the controversy still lurking above him, I cannot afford to populate my wedding night with unwanted gossip. Jewelry will be designed by local artisans- more on the line of Indian design. For make-up, who else other than Sneh Rana, or else she will not feel good about being left out from the ‘biggest affair of the year’. Season or no season, lilies will be in bounty- the particular kind will adorn every guest table. I will wear aqua color lehenga with a modern twist, diamond encrusted gold danglers, diamond necklace and Pitbull will sing loud and so will Pink Floyd. Earlier I had Bob Dylan in the list but cut him off as I had only one spot left and had to choose between the Blues singer and everyone’s new favorite- the man with golden touch Mr. Pitbull.
 

I go through every detail in my mind all the time and every time I revisit the entire process, I feel good.
 

And what will make my wedding perfect is my groom.